Prank Calls
by Dreamsickle
Summary: Tortall get's the telephone! Daine and Kel have some fun with it! R & R Please!


Hey! I was hyper when I wrote this, so excuse the lack of ideas, and overdose of idiotic-ness and insane-ness. Forget the A/N! Just read it! Enjoy gentle readers!  
  
  
  
  
  
"This is a nifty contrapition that Western merchant brought!" Daine exclaimed. Daine was sitting with Kel in Daine's  
room. Numair had gone on a trip to do very magical stuff, so Daine had invited Kel over for a..um, sleepover. They  
were both stunned at the amazing machine called, 'The Telephone'. They could dial in a set of numbers, of course  
they'd have to press the '1 button' first, but they could communicate with people all over the world! The foreign  
merchant had given 1 to every Tortall noble or Tortallan of importance.  
  
"I haven't used mine yet. Have you Daine?" Kel asked.  
"No..We should try it out!" She replied.  
Kel's face glowed like a lite-brite at that moment. "Daine..I have a scathingly brillaint idea!"  
"What is it?"  
"Let's do...prank calls!"   
"Yeah! What are prank calls?"  
"I don't know."  
"Okay then." Daine replied.  
"Oh...Let's press random numbers and be jolli-ly funny, and do sarcastic remarks to whoever picks up the telephone!"  
Daine agreed.  
  
  
"Kel, you go first! It was your idea!" Daine said.  
"Right-O."  
Kel dialed 7 numbers and listened to the tone. The call was answered.  
  
"Hello?" Said a light, almost stupid voice.  
"Um..hi." Kel said.  
"Who is this?"  
"Um..is your refrigerator running?"  
"Uh.....um....lemme check.... *Minutes Later* Yeah."  
"You better go catch it!"  
*Click*  
  
Daine laughed, "That was funny Kel! My turn...wait...what's a refrigerator?"  
"Beats me."  
  
Daine dialed 7 random numbers and listened.  
"Hello." An older, male voice answered.  
Daine covered the phone with her hand. "Kel! By Mithros, it's Myles!"  
"Keep talking to him! Hehehe." Kel laughed.  
Daine uncovered the phone again.  
"Hello, sir."  
"Hullo, may I help you?"  
"Oh...oh..." Daine though allowed and was given a revelation. "Ohhhh...Oh yes baby."  
"Excuse me?"  
"Oh baby...I want you baby!"  
"I am not a baby, thank you."  
"Oh baby...ohhhh..I'm touching myself...what are you doing?"  
"I'm eating supper, thank you!" He replied gruffly.  
"Oh baby..touch yourself...I am...ohhhhhhh!"  
"I beg your pardon, miss, but are you drunk?"  
"You're the biggest drunk in court, and you're accusing me? HA!"  
*Click*  
  
It took a few minutes for Kel to stop laughing like an idiot.  
"Daine, what in the gods' names were you doing?"  
"I'm not really sure..but it was fun!"  
"You're such a whore...Now beat this call!"  
  
Kel dialed some numbers.  
"'Ello?" George of Pirate's Swoop said as he answered the phone.  
"Um..Hey!"  
"Who is this?"  
"Yo mama!"  
"What?"  
"Yo mama."  
"No, seriously."  
"Yo mama."  
"Haha, fun's over."  
"Yo mama."  
"Ye can stop that now."  
"Yo mama.  
"Stop."  
"Yo mama."  
"Ok, enough."  
"Yo mama."  
"It's old."  
"Yo mama."  
"I said stop it!"  
"Yo mama."  
"Stop."  
"Yo mama."  
"STOP."  
"HAHAHA, you suck!"  
*Click*  
  
"Kel, what the hell's matter with you? What was that and who was that?" Daine gasped, after her hysterical  
laughing.  
"That was Baron George! Hehehe!" Kel answered.  
The two tried to regain their breath, so they took a break.  
  
A while later -  
"Daine, what kind of prank call should we do now?"  
"I have an idea, Kel! I dare you to say some words after everything you say, k?  
"K."  
"K."  
"K.  
"I dare you to say...'in my breeches!'"  
"Oh, Daine you have a sick mind!"  
"I live with Numair, remember?"  
"Here we go..."  
  
Kel dialed some numbers.  
"Hello, you have reached the Royal Telephone Service. May I help you?"  
Kel turned to Daine, "It's their magesties phone lines!"  
"Go on, do it!"  
"I hate you!" Kel muttered. "Yes, could you please get the king."  
"One moment please." The operator said, "May I ask who's calling?"  
'Um..A very 'close' friend." Kel replied.  
"Please hold."  
  
Music - Duh duh duh duh duh da duh da duh duh da da duh  
  
"Hello?" The king said.  
"Hello your magesty in my breeches." Kel said, stifling a laugh.  
"Excuse me?"  
"How are you in my breeches?"  
"What on earth -"  
"The weather's been pretty good here in my breeches."  
"Are you drunk?"  
"No, I'm not drunk in my breeches."  
"Who is this?"  
"It's me in my breeches."  
"That's rather disgusting, miss."  
"I know it is in my breeches."  
"Do you KNOW who you are talking to that way?" King Jon demanded.  
"I'm talking to the King of Tortall in my breeches."  
"WHO IS THIS?" He yelled, agitated.  
"I'm myself in my breeches."  
"Stop saying that!"  
"Saying what in my breeches?"  
"That!"  
"What's 'that' in my breeches?"  
"You keep saying it!" The king screamed into the telephone.  
"Saying what in my breeches?"  
"YOU KEEP SAYING IN MY BREECHES AFTER EVERYTHING!" The king screamed, followed by many obscenities.  
"Ohhh! You said in my breeches in my breeches!"  
"That's it! TELL ME WHO THIS IS!"  
"HAHAHAHA in my breeches!"  
*Click*  
  
"Kel, you ACTUALLY said all that to King Jonathan?" Daine laughed.  
"You better believe it!" Kel replied, proud of her new-found talent; prank calls!  
  
With that the two went and played with Kitten until Jon called the merchant, and the merchant tracked the calls made to Myles and the King. They burst into Daine's apartments and arrested both her and Kel, and they were forced to get telemarketing phone calls every 2 minutes for 5 years. Meanwhile Kitten laughed a dragon-y laugh, and flew away to join the Wicked Witch of the West's Flying Monkeys. And Myles learned the wonders of phone sex.  
  
The End! 


End file.
